I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
