Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
