I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Randomize
