so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
