he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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