The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
