So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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