well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
