So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
