All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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