Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
