Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
