He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
