I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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