dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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