Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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