I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
