You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
