I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
