I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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