This is not my ceiling
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
