I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
