I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
