she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
