I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
