I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
should my penis look like a turkey
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
