I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
