And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
