dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
