fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
