Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
