Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
