Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
