Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
