do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
