I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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