Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
