This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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