god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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