im drinking this country out of the recession.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
