i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
