So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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