Your dad touched me again.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize