The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
her vagine was all disorganized.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
