Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
