So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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