She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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