I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
