Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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