this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
