you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
