I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My underwear smells like fireworks.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
