Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
