After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
