Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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