i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
