I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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