so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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