Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
