I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
