Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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