I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
