I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
