I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
