is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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