im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
