She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Damn victory sex feels great
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
