first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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