If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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