ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
