whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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