Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i was born a porn star she said
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
