I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize