I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
