on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
