I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
