So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
this hospital has no fireball
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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