Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
