Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
