Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
