totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
