Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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