Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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