There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
