I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
