i may or may not be watching the land before time
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
