i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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