I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize