i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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