another moral hangover. fuck.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
