I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
