Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
