I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
