The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize