Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
