I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
