Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
